Big Ten Media Day "Liveblog": Joe Paterno Speaks!
Hello, ladies and gentlemen. Err, gentlemen. I'm literally the only woman here. And please do not hit on me. Sportswriters are absolutely disgusting. Anyway, I'm Mr. Paterno's secretary. He should ...
The JoePa Chronicles: Gary Barta Finds Out About The Director's Cup
RING RING AHEM RING This is Gary. Hey, it's me. Oh, shit. Gary. (falsetto) Gary's not here right now, he's in a meeting with a bunch of very important people like George Bush and Oprah Stop it. We ne...
The JoePa Chronicles: Kirk Ferentz Visits Penn State
Right this way, Mr. Ferentz, Mr. Barta. This is the Lasch Football Building, where we have our training rooms, practice facilities, and coaching offices. Coaching offices? Yes sir, the entire sta...
The JoePa Chronicles: Joe Paterno Goes to the Hospital
(in a sunlit family room) ...and 63 Across is "Mess." There. 15 minutes is pretty good for a Wednesday, I think. I wonder what else is in the paper. It's weird having all this time to myself now t...
The JoePa Chronicles: The Legend of Cornshoe Hammaker
Man the artillery and cover the infantries, gents! I say, this is a fine day to win a war! Right as always, General Lee! With our Dragon Cannons, we can't lose a battle! Soon the War of Northern ...
The JoePa Chronicles: Joe Paterno Runs Spring Practices, Part 1
We find Mr. Paterno seated with Athletic Director Tim Curley in a meeting room, flanked on either side by an attentative board of regents. Mr. Paterno is gazing anxiously at the wall clock and is visi...
BHGP BRACKET MADNESS: THE LAST FOUR
There's got to be a catchier name for the semifinals than "Last Four." Just can't think of one. Today: BRAAAAAAINS vs. brawn! JOE PATERNO PROS: Met Fergie, listened to Fergie, contemplated his grand...
Tourney Talkin' With The Cryptkeeper
Author's note: I would like to apologize in advance, because this is the stupidest thing I've ever written since elementary school. See if you can figure out where I lose all interest. Still, it's bet...
BHGP BRACKET MADNESS: ROUND TWO
One round of insanity is in the books. High seeds J Leman and Seth Gorney are gone. All three writers are still in it, though all survived by the slimmest of margins. We're switching to one contest a ...
BHGP BRACKET MADNESS ROUND 1: CASEY MCMILLAN VS. CLINT HUNTRODS
This is what we're voting on. Today: Enraged primate vs. Enlarged prostate CASEY MCMILLAN PROS: Can and will kill everything. Threw his point guard at the crowd.CONS: Comes from the same state as th...
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